(no subject)

[intrikate88]

I have been through a whirlwind of a week. A lot good, and a lot of stuff stirred up and dumped upside down. I'm still processing some of it. But I think I'm moving forward, even if I can't see the fruits of it yet.

I have seen so much discussion of that father who made a video of shooting up his daughter's laptop, and so much apologism for violence towards children. I am out of words. I am simply so, so saddened that so many people are unable to see the difference between loving discipline and invasive controlling domination of not only a child's actions but her emotions, through means violent enough to horribly kill nine people if used that way.

I also may have a recap of "Dangerous Liaisons" to  write up at some time, but all of the anger at the refusal to recognize controlling, isolating behavior as part of the spectrum of violence and domination combined with watching Damon try to make Elena's decisions for her and use force if necessary to stop her in the episode hit such a wrong note for me, at exactly the wrong time. Seeing some opinions online that him doing that showed how much he loves her makes me want to scream just that much more. 

Despite our disappointments and heartaches, we have gone along with the program and accepted without challenge and critique the notion that love can exist n a context of domination. A feminist movement and many heartaches later, more women than ever before now know that love and domination do not go together-- that if one is present, the other will be absent.

--bell hooks, Communion: The Female Search for Love

So perhaps tomorrow I will have the words and energy to post my thoughts. I am far behind on a life update. 

I love you all, my friends.

Comments

[mamamilkshake.livejournal.com]

What are your thoughts on an IQ divide being part of the issue with violent culture?

Purely ancedotal sorta evidence:

*On a Physics forum I came across a discussion of the video that featured more dissenting opinions than I have seen elsewhere.

*On my FB all three of us objecting to the video are high IQ women.

*I've noticed markedly better grammar, spelling, and reading comprehension skills on gentle discipline forums and websites throughout my years of frequenting such places.

*Many of the books and articles I've read on giftedness state that those of us of higher IQs see the world differently than our average IQ counterparts, have different concerns, and see different connections between various issues. Gifted children tend to have a more finely developed innate sense of justice than their peers, and at younger ages.

*At least two studies have concluded that high IQ men are more faithful spouses than their average IQ peers.

*Everybody at our UU church is pro-gentle discipline. I'm the only member without a bachelors degree other than the handful of 18-21 year old youth still working on theirs. A majority of the congregation has a degree in a hard science and all are articulate people.

Correlation is not causation I know, and anecdotes make poor evidence on which to build a case, but I can't help but wonder. So often it's lonely discussing cultural issues, social justice, politics, and the like and this always pops into my head as a reason. Above average IQ seems to be a factor in many people leaving organized religion too.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Well, it's kind of along the same lines of why academia and higher degrees attract more liberals. There really isn't a way to say it other than stating there's a correlation, but there is a heavy trend of young people going to college and leaving religion. I personally found that a lot of my libertarian ideas that I had as a teenager went away as I learned more history and about sociology; I realized that there are broader trends of hegemony, of violence, of cultural shifts, and development of ideas than I had previously known, and my ideas of life being a race where people started at the same place, had equal factors affecting them, and needed similar motivation were no longer valid when analyzing what I saw. For someone with low education or low critical thinking skills, it would be easy to see a limited world with no recurring trends, where personal gain motivates good behavior and pain or threat of violence motivates others to do as you want.

So I guess overall I think the capacity to see patterns and recognize disparate situations as related would cause somebody to link something like harsh childhood discipline with other concepts of control that have been used on a basis from the personal and individual up to and including colonization. Which is not to say spanking your child = genocide, but a broader understanding of patterns would see that a parent using force to frighten a child into obedience is the same motivation that a regime might use to frighten a population into submission. When you can't avoid seeing connections like that, it means that your smack can never just be a smack.

It's a problematic argument to make, though, because it would presume that a higher IQ or higher critical faculties and pattern recognition would likely result in higher levels of empathy, which is not necessarily the case. Often people with high IQs can be empathetically lacking; sometimes this is because of being non-neurotypical, sometimes for other reasons. And low IQs don't necessarily make for a less empathetic person, either. But I suppose a lot of that does go along with nature vs nurture; IQ is simply a trait, but the way it is used depends on what factors are present in the life of the person.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

That video is horrific imo. Teenagers rebel, it's part of the process of growing up and separating from thie parents. If they are disrespectful to your face than punish tehm by all means (take away privledges) but this is so far over the line, it isn't even funny.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

It really is.

I have it on reasonably good authority that this man is now being investigated by CPS. I have no doubt that a man who is dominating and displays violent behavior in regards to anyone who says anything about him has some other things going on.

[be-themoon.livejournal.com]

that's... one really disturbing video.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

And what's just as disturbing is the epic amount of people saying that it isn't abuse, because the girl was being disrespectful and it's not like he even touched her. So many people who just think this is ordinary and justified punishment. And I have been arguing with them on FB and even in ontd_p and I am just done. How anyone can not see how controlling and horrible that is is beyond me.

[mamamilkshake.livejournal.com]

If you speak out against it and are the parent of a young child, you'll be told you'll understand when you have a teenager. You are not allowed to have opinions on parenting until you have grown parenting apparently. *rolls eyes*

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I am the parent of a teenager. My youngest is 18. I would never, ever treat him like this and believe me, I have been subjected to the "whatever" comment.

[mamamilkshake.livejournal.com]

They do exist! I'm thrilled to e-meet the sane parent of teenagers in the wasteland of the internet today. It's refreshing. ;)

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Hee. I talk about my kids a lot over on my journal. They are bright, independent, witty caring people.

A couple of years ago both of them independently thanked me (and the hubby) for being so supportive and also for not letting them have everything they asked for. It's fine to say no to your kids, it's not fine to treat them without respect.

[be-themoon.livejournal.com]

aslkdgd what? no, no, you address disrespect to yourself by talking to your kids, and if it's becoming a big problem then you start taking away privileges.

You don't shoot anything, much less their personal possessions, that's so threatening. how far a step is it from shooting their possessions to hitting them? it's all about control and possession and ownership, after all.

[goldy-dollar.livejournal.com]

I also may have a recap of "Dangerous Liaisons" to write up at some time, but all of the anger at the refusal to recognize controlling, isolating behavior as part of the spectrum of violence and domination combined with watching Damon try to make Elena's decisions for her and use force if necessary to stop her in the episode hit such a wrong note for me, at exactly the wrong time. Seeing some opinions online that him doing that showed how much he loves her makes me want to scream just that much more.

Yeah. :| There's been a lot of that in fandom over the last few days. I don't blame you for finding it triggering.