Fic: [Avengers] The Quality of Mercy (Natasha/Clint).

[intrikate88]

The Quality of Mercy, Avengers (Natasha/Clint), pg-13, ~950 words.

The sharp knife, the transparent lie: these are the things people like them call mercy.

When Loki tells her that he is going to make to Barton kill her as tortuously as possible, it isn't a surprise: she expected him to threaten as much before she walked in. Still, Natasha backs up, turns around, calls him a monster. He is. He isn't a god; he's just like every other man in the Red Room who thought that having the technology to play with someone's mind gave them the right to show off their control. It isn't about fighting, with his type. It doesn't matter if it's Loki making Barton dance for him, or an old Soviet handler locking himself in a room with a crying little girl too terrified to voice her sobs; they're all the same.

Monsters. Touching where they shouldn't dare.

She will take pleasure in destroying Loki, when the time comes. She grew up with monsters and her shape was formed from their outlines. She knows as well as Loki that her well of red ink is bottomless.

But for now, there is Barton to be concerned with, and perhaps the conquering of earth if its defenders are all smashed by the green thing Bruce becomes, but mostly Barton. Loki tells her what Fury wants to know; now Natasha can strategize based on what she wanted to know. 

Now she knows. She walked in, the picture of a beaten woman, the kind of woman Loki's type would want to humiliate with her pain and weakness. (No one humiliates her like that. Not anymore.) And he gave her the instruction book on how to inflict pain, as if she had not already written it herself.

She doesn't mourn the nameless men whose throats she cut to make the USSR a thing of the past, just one more fallen empire. Natasha mourns Barton's clear dark eyes that see better from a distance, and now have no light in bright blue eyes that aren't his. He is not there.

Her partner, the man she trusts more than she trusts SHIELD or anyone else in the world, will try to kill her as soon as he next sees her. This knowledge doesn't hurt, not like it should; there is no sting of betrayal. Clint Barton will not attempt to kill her, only Loki, with Clint's hands, with their unique bowstring callouses. 

What she is afraid of, if she is afraid of anything, is that she will kill him. Efficiently, quickly, she will end his life.

(It's not exactly plan A.)

There is an understanding between them, one that has been on her mind since Coulson first said that Barton was compromised. If he is so broken that he can't be saved, she will kill him. Nobody else. He will not be executed like some rogue pack member that wandered off; she will give him the respect of dying at the hand of an equal. Not some anonymous sniper, not a junior agent with his first semiautomatic, but her arms holding him close, and him trusting her to keep her knife so sharp that he will barely feel the blade.

He would do the same for her. Once, he had made a different call when told to kill her. That decision shouldn't apply to every situation.

And so she is taking her time to breathe before she tells Fury and the rest of Loki's plans, because after, there won't be time. She finds a secluded hallway, and sits on the floor, sharpening one of her knives after another. They don't need it, but she has to make sure. She has to make sure they are too sharp to feel. 

This is the sort of mercy people like them know. 

And love is for children. Love is for those who have not been bent and broken into new shapes, who are too innocent to know what men like Loki are. (She doesn't remember ever being that innocent; she doesn't remember if that's because of the meddling of years or of her handlers.) Love is something good that can be given without reserve, not the trust that the knife will be sharp or the arrow will be quick.

Later, when she nearly concusses him, blue shadows still flicker in his eyes in the few minutes he wakes up, muttering and thrashing. She rubs her thumb over the handles of each of her knives, ready if the restraints should break. She waits, patiently: it is a skill Clint helped her develop, to let the world pass by unnoticed until the moment to strike comes. Time means nothing, even as the rest of the helicarrier is in chaos. Natasha knows her partner's movements as well as her own; if he wakes for good with those damn bright blue eyes, then she will not hesitate.

Then at last he wakes up as himself, or as much of himself as he can be. Tasha won't tell how many people Loki used Clint's hands to kill.

This is the sort of mercy that she wished she had received; she can least give it to him.

Clint suits up when Captain America tells him to, and when he emerges, dressed to fight, he puts a hand over Natasha's, still resting on her thigh sheath of knives. He bumps her shoulder with his. "I knew I could rely on you."

"I know," she says, and takes his hand (the one that had so recently hit her, pulled her hair). "And I knew you wouldn't have to."

Since they both know it's a lie, it's almost like telling the truth. But they can spare each other the words. Silence is the mercy that they have only for each other.

Comments

[andi-horton.livejournal.com]

Of course this is their agreement, they wouldn't have any other. And they trust each other to uphold it. Naturally.

Love it, sweetie.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ♥

I think they really set each other free, in a lot of ways. And if either of them were trapped under someone else's control and there was no escape, then yes, of course they would release the other from it with the least pain possible. And they wouldn't have patience for sentiment that could just make it all worse. Just trust that they can do the right thing to free each other.

[andi-horton.livejournal.com]

Yes, especially to the gift of freeing each other from another's control. I can't think of anything Tasha would prize more highly than that, so to have it understood between them that she will give Clint that gift if required, and he would do the same for her, says more about their relationship than anything else could.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Ooh, lovely piece. Natasha's such a mixture of "do what I have to" ice and "because I feel things so deeply there's no other way to handle it" emotion.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

She really is; she is practical above all else, and trusts action more than emotion, probably because she knows how easily emotions can be manipulated. She could SAY she loves Clint, but I'm sure she's told that to lots of her marks; she is far better at having decided with her partner to release him from the prison of someone else's control in the gentlest way possible, because that actually means something to her.

[scribblemyname]

Fabulous. This is the kind of fic about that scene that feels true.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

I love the logic here, and the devotion in her actions. Really lovely. :)

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I just see that a relationship of trust and mutual affection would, for them, necessitate something like this. Because she can't leave his fate up to anyone else.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. And there's something really beautiful about that, something kind of sacred and profound in that level of devotion.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Exactly. It's a promise to be loyal to each other to the very end, no matter what, and no matter how bad it gets, neither of them will have to die alone.

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

A great look inside her head at what it means to have a friend so close you will kill him, yourself. I know there's a lot of debate about whether she was too vulnerable with Loki -- whether she was or not doesn't bother me so much because Tasha is completely a means justify the ends and she'll sacrifice some of herself for Barton. She wouldn't have done that for anyone else.
Terrific fic.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It's dark, but I think that that's the way they have love for each other- when sentimental attachment would cause each of them to cling to hope, actual love is an action that will free the other person from a terrible prison, no matter what the cost. Tasha knows too much about manipulating emotion and "love" to rely on it; actions are what mean something.

I think she was perfect with Loki- she let herself be raw and open because it was Barton, and she knows what she appears to be, as a small woman, so she uses even her apparent weaknesses as strength. If she has a vulnerable place, she will use it as a tool to win. Which I think is fantastic and resourceful.

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! Natasha has such a specific experience of life that I'm sure what she values, and what she would give to someone she values, would be mercies like these.

Glad you liked that line- it was sort of what kicked off this whole fic, after I listened to Florence + the Machine's "No Light, No Light" on repeat because it's basically a fic of them. (Though that whole album is a great soundtrack, really).

Hey, so, we have several mutual friends and interests and I've seen you around for years on the internet and I think there might have been a time when Nina wandered off at Dragon*Con to find you or something? I'm not sure? Anyway, wanna be friends?

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

I want to read more about her and Clint too. I want undercover stories that are 50k words long and involve fights and Issues and being excellent partners and possibly working out trust issues with somewhat kinky sex and it would be marvelous. Gyzym's "we were emergencies" was fantastic and she needs to write a fuckload more of that sort of thing.

Like I was saying up above, Tasha's acted the part of a lover so many times, it's an act. But a quick death that is actually the person you trust most setting you free and being there to hold you til the end- just wow.

Yay friends! I just followed you on tumblr too, I'm on there all day erry day. I'm intrikate88 there too and everywhere on the internet basically. I'm on LJ for occasional life updates/rants and posting fic, pretty much.

And you need to come to Dragon*Con because it is awesome fangirl times and since I live so close now, everyone stays at my apartment and it is the best con suite of them all, obviously. (Hey I just met you / and this is crazy / but it's Dragon*con, whatever / so crash at my place if you want to maybe? lolololol sorry I can't help myself)